Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
