My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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