I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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