Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
