Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
