Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
