I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
