I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
