Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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