My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
