I'm jealous of your bromance
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
