I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
