I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
