How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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