You don't have asthma, your pregnant
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
