Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
