Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
