im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
