The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
