So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
