Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
