Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
