I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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