Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
