K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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