I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
