I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
