currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
