Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
