Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
