i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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