your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
