i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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