will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
false alarm, still single
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