first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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