listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
