There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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