I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
