i barfeds in our rink
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
