There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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