Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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