Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
