I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
