im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
