are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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