pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
