Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
