i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
