If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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