all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
